After spending a couple weekend getaways, I find myself back in messy room trying to figure out what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. Day after day, night after night, event after event – the time just flies! Everything that I’ve ever wanted for myself is starting to happen. I had a great chat with my little brother yesterday – sharing his epiphany on his career direction.
I have to get organized again.. I need to update my website and put up the scans of the work that I’ve been doing. I’ve been slacking in so many ways that I feel incredibly guilty. I don’t work everyday like everyone else, but I do work just as hard. I stress just as hard and always try to challenge my new boundaries. I admit I’ve been distracted, having my fun and playing my own game.
I procrastinate more and have been catching myself falling back into my old habits. I get comfortable and start relying on others for my own happiness. I’m constantly telling myself what I need to work on and what I need to push forward to. Along the way, suitors, boys, playas, “distractions” get into my little world and I end up wasting time. I’ve never been more content with my life, my building career and my friends. So I don’t need anything else in this mix unless its money making. I don’t think guys here are used to that. I think they’re used to being the cash flow in the partnership..well at least not the ones I’ve been out and about with. When it comes to me rejecting them and not bothering to compromise, it comes as a shock. But really, I’ve got more important things to do.
It’s ruthless, I’ve become ruthless and selfish in my own glory. It’s shameless as well, because I have a lack of remorse when it comes to relationships. Perhaps I’ve just been jaded or maybe even questioning serious relationships unless its utterly serious – bank accounts, family medical history and home ownership. It’s true. I can’t bother to get in there. I’m having fun and I think I have dated and met enough potential Mr. Sarah Lian’s for myself to realize that the sea has enough fish when I’m ready to spawn.
I believe the time will come again when I want to fall in love, when I’m desperate to care for someone who will want to care for me. It’ll be nice to be in the arms of someone who can take care of me in every way in any way. Cuz I know I’m a real handful who can’t spare more than a couple hours with someone. It’ll change I’m sure… perhaps sooner than later.