Hey friends – this is a really long post. I havent written anything heartfelt or real in a long time so I hope you enjoy my vulnerability in sharing my story..I know the life I’ve been leading have seem relatively enjoyable and glamourous for some but it hit home today when I was trying to sort out my way to financial freedom. I had to make a few phonecalls to Bank of Montreal and American Express plus my favourite, National Student Loans. For all of you that don’t know it means Mr. Credit Card and Mrs. Student Loan. That’s right! Even I can’t escape the Global Financial Crisis!
Let’s call me stubborn. Reluctant to get much help from mom and pop. I only had help with rent while I was in Toronto for school and after that, it was all ON MY OWN. Some of you have the luxury of school paid for, housing paid for and dare I say it, even allowance [and you’re 25+]. I think my allowance stopped at 21. In Canada, they stamp independance and you should be ashamed if you still have daddy’s credit card. ( I agree with Canada on this one)
I moved to KL to chase my dreams, upon that was a 3wk ticket to scope, then deciding that I wanted to move and later on incur copious amounts of debt in moving, and the emotional torment I put myself in:
Did you know I was homeless for 2 weeks in Toronto? I was left without much options and my friend Brando let me stay in his empty apartment. Out of 300++ friends I had in Toronto. He was the only one that offered his empty apartment. Such realization only made me hate Toronto for what I felt – lonely and without any good friends. So many people assumed I was fine but really, I cancelled my party last minute because I was disguisted at the relationships I built – not even amounting to anything.
Did you know that I slept on my down-jacket bc even the carpet was so hard on my back? I shipped all my stuff to Vancouver and KL. I had nothing else but a suitcase of clothes that were not meant for the horrible winter. I only had my parajumper and my knee highs to keep me warm.
Did you know that I almost overdosed on meds from being so sick? I called 10 people on my cellphone to help take me to the hospital but only 1 showed up. I even called Mr.E for help, leaving him a message so he didn’t think that I was acting all weird or trying some stupid stunt but even that was a huge disappointment. Bc I felt so woozy and was so faint, I was all pale. The only one that helped was my Citrus partner who came and got me and then just tried making me vomit everything that I had in my stomach. (But of course there wasn’t much because I didn’t eat)
Did you know that I only rationed 1 Subway sandwich a day? Aside from friends taking me out to dinner, my last few days I starved. Literally, starved. I only ate at 7pm when my hunger pains would subside and I would just go on to carry me thru the rest of the night; so, I know what its like to go hungry on a winter’s night. Thank God I never have to go back to that place in my life. My ex-roommate knew I wasn’t going to be eating much and cooked me a nice lunch on my last few days. Nowadays, I hate being hungry and I reamed out Mr. Flipflops bc he didn’t realize how traumatic being hungry is. [i know a bit drama right?]
Perhaps this is where you all learn how I paid a price for living my dream. It cost me everything and I’m still being reminded of it. I think about how happy I am here with friends and I constantly think about the place I was before I came to KL. People give me props for having a courage to explore my options in a foreign country, but really it was Toronto who told me to never come back. I simply layan messages here and there and I know most people just didn’t know. I cried like a goon everyday and drowned myself in self-pity. On and off I have messages about friends asking me to visit but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to say hello, not with the disappointment from my ex-loved one who I spent 3years with. Unless Mel gets married…I ain’t coming back hahahhaah!!!
However, things nowadays are on the uppity-up-up. Jobs are rolling in like nobody’s business in a time where everyone tells me, “it’s been quite dry..”
I’ve really lucked out here and I will say that it is 100% God’s doing. I’m paving my way back to financial freedom with the Loonie at an all time low – which works great for the Ringgit-earners. Sigh back to reality- doing a dry run for my Happy Period Forum on Weds! 🙂
...and friends are the ones that pop up when you least expect.
You're doing great, you've seen/learned a lot so you're well on your way to success. Keep it up!
YOU: "Hey! Alex! Look at me! I'm a successful actress now! I'm so happy!"
ME: "Yeah, whatever, you had a god's help. Pshaw!"
I mean, take fucking credit for your own success, man. You did it yourself. Or instead of God, choose something more probable like Santa Claus.
I only meet you once in person (a T-shirt party in Toronto), and I started following your blog after I realize you went to asia to chase your dream. Mainly because that is exactly what I am doing right now.
I've moved back to Taiwan to enter the entertainment business. I've only been a month and a half...and since I don't have the amazing acting/modeling history like you, I have no idea where to start...and unlike what you said in this entry...I miss Toronto everyday...I made many great friends there and they are like my second family. Which make being back in Taiwan without friends even harder...
I guess all I wanted to say is that I feel bad Toronto treated you this way, I only wish we were closer back then so I can offer all the help you needed. You are an amazing person and i've always look up to you as my mentor for making it in this career and I love reading your blog whenever I am down on myself. <3 girl! If you are ever coming to Taiwan, you can totally stay with me (does that sound creepy? lol)
No one said life was ever gonna be easy. It was hard then, it is gonna be hard now too. Keep your chins up high and do what you gotta do!
The price im paying for living my dreams is no more shopping *sobs*... And you know how i love shopping...used to do it on an almost daily / weekly basis... le sigh!
Glad you're happy here :)
random props... wow I came on to your page and read a few posts.. This one really stood out. Really good title for it too... I'm glad that you survived it all and everything is going uphill now. It takes a lot of strength to do what you did and overcome it.
On another note. What does mui stand for? I see it everywhere on your site. In cantonese mui is little sister.. Doesn't seem like thats the case here though.