(with Adibah Noor on the set of HALAL)
When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.
I’ve been living on my own since I had left Vancouver more than 6 years ago. My mom would always worry about me thinking that I escaped her wrath because I wanted freedom from her control. Partially true, but then again I always felt that I could make my own decisions and push my way through life with my independance. Well, I think we all know what happens when we don’t live with our parents: we become the centre of our own lives.
I think living on my own has turned me into a selfish person and neglecting my family life in Vancouver (which is now expanded to Toronto, Taiwan, China) becomes desensitized. I was looking back at my past year in Asia and thinking about my acheivements. But that’s the problem, I’ve just been thinking of ME. I’ve been so selfish vs. selfless and moreover, I’ve picked up bad habits on the way, habits that may not have been as kosher if I were still living at home.
I attended church before I went on my trip to HK. The sermon that morning was about purity and in particular, the ethics of a pure heart. Every time we have a moral lapse, we ask ourselves: is this a SLIP? is this a SYMPTOM? is this a STRONGHOLD? That’s when guilt comes in and we go through the entire process and it just gets worse. I think that’s when I started thinking about what has been keeping me away from having a pure heart.
My life principles have always been hedonistic. (Wiki: Hedonism is a school of philosophy which argues that pleasure has an ultimate importance and is the most important pursuit of humanity).
I say what I want, I do what I want and I act how I want.
Most of all, I fail to include my conversations with Him. I overlook that the most, I take that for granted and I always have my self-fulfilling prophecies to use that as an excuse of God giving me lemons, so I just gotta make lemonade. I’ve had enough of running in darkness, finding excuses for all my actions… no wonder they say, patience is a virtue! There are many things in my life that I think are unecessary – including alcohol. Clouded judgments and wasted time are phrases to describe what I think alcohol represents. Perhaps this is just the beginning of my way to finding a pure heart. I hope the rest of the bad habits begin to follow suit.
I just can’t keep making excuses for myself anymore.