I’ve been struggling with my own personal development because I have issues with letting go.
This year has been all about confronting my demons. Taking control and leading a fearless life – “one of my F words”. Much like a bad relationship, its hard to shake off the bad habits, the simple things that keep you safe while you’re trying to ignore the bad parts. Its November. I think its time that I get out of it.
Although much of my lifestyle, my goals, my dreams have changed from when I first stepped onto Malaysian soil to begin my career, I haven’t come to terms with my bad decisions in the past. Everyone has moved on, everything has moved on. Life flows like a river and what was once there is not there anymore so there isn’t anyone holding me back but myself. Before, I masked many of my decisions with defiance but it actually was the complete opposite. I was scared, I was hurt and mostly scarred from words that should’ve never entered my psyche or energy. Even though I am no longer in that place and moreover had forgiven people that needed to be forgiven, I still haven’t forgiven the most important person in my life, myself.
I’m at the foot of a hill and still scared to climb this “forgiveness” peak. I dwell on the past and as much as I try to look forward, its like this ball and chain which keeps me back. I create new rules so I don’t have deal with some of my issues. I let people in but I get scared, so I push them away before they even get close.
I don’t want to carry forward this bad energy to the next year. Enough is enough.
Problem is, I don’t know where to begin…
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