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ThoughtsFebruary 22, 2015

I am my mother’s daughter.

By admin

Feb 15-My mother visits Malaysia once every five years from Vancouver. This visit she spends her first Chinese New Year with our Tan family after missing the festivities for over 20+ years. 
This Saturday morning, she opened the door at 8am and showing me the outfits she’s deciding on for Reunion dinner; she’s as much anxious as she is excited. 
I’m guilty of taking my mother for granted, especially since she’s not around much. Truth be told, I’ve been living on my own for over 10 years so it becomes unnatural when my mother needs to know my biznez. But with this recent trip, I’ve gotten to know her a little better and spent more time to realize that sub-conciously, I’ve become my mother’s daughter.
Long-Lasting Friendships – I drove my mom to her mini-work reunion where even at her age, people kept calling her Ms. Tan, her maiden name. These former colleagues were so excited over her (she worked with them from 1969-1982) and said she was still the same from when they met her 30 years ago. Still radiating beauty, still popular and still maintaining the same respect from others. Like my mom, I have friends all over the world ranging from kindergarten to those I meet by chance and know will be long life friends! I hope these friendships I build will be able to look back on some great memories too.
Self-Worth – Ever since I was young, my mom would tell me that self-respect was the most important thing a woman would keep. In her words, she would just yell “Don’t be a loose girl” (Yes, that is part of her vocabulary). During that reunion, I saw a man who probably had a work crush on her but she was already married to my dad. Even though the man and my mom have led separate lives, I saw how my mom still had him fumbling around her. My momma still got it.
Hardwork Pays Off – She always said to me that we should never look down on people no matter what because we all have different stories that bring us to where we are today. My mother had nothing when she grew up, she often shared stories of how she and her 10 other siblings didnt have enough money for food, they had to be resourceful, frugal and smart if they wanted to survive.
I’m listing the good stuff – on the flipside, I have also acquired her impatience, systemic approach to organization and truth-seeking relationships. I’m thankful that my upbringing felt both enriching and yet a struggle. I saw how my mom raised us and put food on the table with her lack of education but extreme resourcefulness. When I start to identify more of these traits, I’m grateful my mom talked about specific values that will shape me as a good person on the inside, than focus on outward appearance (which I can attempt to auto-pilot on my own, haha).
2015-01-30 18.21.24-1
She may have her quirks and her ridiculous rules, but I’m proud to be my mother’s daughter. We always butt heads and yet are strong women that know how to steer our own paths. It is because of my mother, like my grandmother, who has passed down the importance of being the driver in your own life, not a passenger.
__
My eyes well up, tears dribble down my cheek as I sit in the car on the way back from seeing my mother off to the airport. My heart feels like its twisting and each time I think of her, I heave a little bit and more tears fall.
It has been a trying weekend, hitting my “mom quota” with her incessant nagging and habit of putting everything in a plastic bag to be labelled with a big sharpie. 
I write to my cousins in anger days before her departure, “I’m fucking losing it!”
Saying goodbye is so bittersweet. I will miss her nagging. I will miss her non-stop questioning over every phone call. I will miss the stress I get from her chasing me around with fruit. I will miss all of this and many more.  
Oh momma, I’m going to miss you so much and I’m so lucky to have you in my life, still. 

actress, daughter, good values, mama lian, momma, mother, parents, relationships, sarah lian
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