I’ve noticed that I’ve been very “judgy” as of late. (I’m the quintessential ENTJ in the Meyers-Briggs personality test), I think my judgemental quality stems from being conscious of how I portray myself in public which then makes me look/judge others in the same way. Especially since I’m in my 30s and I have friends of the same generation, it often baffles me when I see people seeking for validation in the oddest ways. Are we still in high school?
Of course, social media plays a huge role in all of this. We are all able to quantify success with the number of friends, number of followers, most likes, or even hater comments. I think my lifestyle and related industry amplifies this even more. We all try to covet the same kind of audience and inadvertently care about what people think. So when people say they don’t care, I think its a bit of a lie, because if you didn’t, why are you on social media? (See what I mean? I’m so frigging judgy!)
Validation comes in all forms but the fundamentals are based on portraying the right image. This perfect lifestyle is played up if you drive a fancy car, or have the best vacations, eat at the newest restaurants and are cozy with the who’s who. But why is that so? What happens if they see that you drive a Honda (I drive a Honda, I purchased a car for the first time in my life, WOOT!) and grew up locally and never went to school overseas? Then what? Will they unfriend you? Will they discover how basic you are? Is that the worst thing in the world?
The more I experience luxury, high-flying jobs like “Luxe Asia” , the more I realize how my reality is a huge contrast from my show. Not because I don’t appreciate how people like to spend their money and the markets that cater to them, but how I’m okay with enjoying moments and not things. In my last article, I talked about living a life of confidence and to me that means being open and honest. Sometimes people attempt to throw shade at who I am, but when I acknowledge my faults in complete agreement with them, their insults totally backfires. (and then they’re the idiot… hehehe) This means I don’t need your approval, I’m comfortable with myself to recognise what I have and don’t have.
Don’t get me wrong, having nice things is not a bad thing. Having them for the sake of validation must be so tiring and worse if it makes you broke trying to keep up. This behaviour annoys me because it reveals one’s insecurities without them even knowing, so you can never address the situation directly. However, I know I’m far too outspoken for my own good and not everyone is built the same. I’ve learnt the hard way and taken situations at face value, not putting more effort in wondering why one would need to seek validation? What else is missing in their lives? What is behind their need to “show off”?
The Asian way of minding your own business is one thing, but being a better friend has always been more important. I’ve made many mistakes along the way with poor judgement calls. Sometimes I just want to tell them that our friendship is not built on such things. Sigh.
“I’ll still friend you if you want to eat economy rice cuz its cheaper.”
(Cause I would rather too!)
Next year I’ll try not to be too judgy, promise.