This post is really a tribute to my Canadian upbringing while realizing the more I try to be “Asian”, the more I’m not. I’ve been having revelations about myself recently. Actually, it stems from my bff T who’s been going through her “I’m American” phase that has started to make me question my own identity. This is all part of a self-discovery that have brought me to my conclusions.
1. When it comes to dating, I feel like that White guy who loves Asian food, speaks at least 5 Asian languages and loves dating Asians.
C’mon, you guys know what I’m talking about. We always have that one friend who’s a little too enthusiastic to show how “Asian” they are despite their non-Asian skin tone (and texture I might add). Holy shit batman, that’s me! No matter how many Asian people I date, or how many Asian languages I learn, I am that elusive White Guy inside. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???
2. I argue like those Westerners you see on television. I get very articulate and intellectual in the argument, and then I just bring my decibel higher after each sentence until suddenly it’s an episode of Jerry Springer and I’ve got my hand up saying “you don’t know me!” It can get confrontational quickly if I get too reactive.
But if I were more Chinese, I would probably just smile and then quietly nod in agreement. For some reason, that depiction in my head would have Michelle Yeoh’s voice saying, “Must not lose face in eyes of enemies.”
3. Me me me. Although I think this aspect is probably more me than itis about being Western or North American, there is a huge perspective on self than on anything else. For example, my fights with my mom are the epitome of generation, cultural, and emotional differences. But really, I just sound like an ungrateful child. My pops says I have horrible family communication skills. It’s true.
4. I want someone that I connect with vs. I want someone to take care of me. This final aspect of not being as Chinese as I thought, really boils down to the values I find important in a partner. As most people would just tell me to bite the bullet and settle for someone who “can take care of me”, I think that’s the hardest pill to swallow. There are plenty of girls who need taking care of and plenty of girls who are looking to be taken care of, but I wouldn’t exactly prioritise that on my list.
Let’s see what’s on my list:
- he better not hit me,
- he has to want to do the dishes,
- let’s me be a mic hog at karaoke but not tell me I suck at singing,
- buy me kaya balls on command
- always have food on standby when I am hungry
- likes naming inanimate objects
A very Chinese girl’s list:
- come with status
- come with good financial standing
- come with status+ money (BONUS)
Ok, I’m just taking a piss so please calm down before I start getting negative comments. I’m just kidding and clearly being ridiculous. My mother thought I didn’t need to go to school because I would probably get married …… (refer to #3) I’ll always be that person who has a job, who always keeps searching, keeps learning and continues to grow. Sometimes I’m too “white” for my own good and although I get a few pats on the back from the dudes, I’m also one of the last ones to get married. (So clearly I must be doing something wrong, right?)
I’ve come back to Asia to realise I’m not really that Chinese after all. Great.