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ThoughtsAugust 13, 2009

Big Risks = Big Rewards = Big Sacrifices

By admin

momz.jpg
(2006:Momsicle and I at Deen’s wedding)
I just finished the Singaporean tear jerker movie “Money Not Enough 2” and it really put things into perspective especially what this world is like. With the economic downturn and the credit crisis, we have been involved with numbers, stats and figures to earn more and more money and to beat the odds to live a rockstar life with a million perks and a boastful attitude. I admit I enjoy a few luxuries here and there and have been fortunate enough to experience such opportunities but as I began to reflect with a few friends, ultimately its a matter of security.
When I lived in Toronto with my Real Estate Roommate Jomomma, I learnt a thing or two about investing in property and the power of having good credit. The movie tackled issues of money management with people paying in installment and spending more than they earn, or using one credit option to pay for another. I guess if you have a fat bank account, anything is possible but its easy to get caught up. Hahhaa, no this entry is not going to be some lecture about spending, bc i’m no place to give advice.
Instead, this movie touched on a sensitive subject for me. It was about family and how money affected each character in a different way and how family no longer was a focus – in this case the grandmother/mother. I admit there have been some great perks in my work and taking a huge risk like moving to Asia has its ups and downs.
When I talk to my manager, or other people about my work I have such an urgency and even my Chinese astrologist lectures me about my impatience. I’m driven because I feel like I’m still trying to prove to my mom that I can do this. Being away from her for over 6 years is not that easy, I think I’ve sacrificed much of our relationship because I’ve been away and unreachable.  The movie reminded me how selfless my mom has always been in my life and if there is anyone who has taught me to be dedicated to the things I love, she was probably my first example. My mother always told me how much potential I had as a lawyer, a doctor or something “professional”. I think I let her down by going down this road and forfeiting all the science courses I took in highschool to prep for a med program in my future. I have built a complex around her approval and making money seems like its the only kind of currency we both understand.
I’m sure I’m not the easiest daughter to handle, being stubborn and I’m ashamed at how I easily forget how it affects her, especially with all the sacrifices she has made. Well, I’m stubborn just as she is stubborn, but I hope I can be as resilient as she has been through ALL the roller coasters we’ve gone through. She’s not young but her spirit is so strong and I hope between my four sibs and I, we’ll never throw her in some nursing home or shift her from one place to another when she gets older (a major tearjerker moment in the movie). My mom’s too precious to be dumped at an institution!
My pops is back in Vancity and I’ll be heading back after being away for over a year and a half. I miss my family and its going to be so good to be around my parents despite the nagging and all that nonsense that I endure while I’m there. Also my baby bro plus I hope I get to see my sister/bro-in-law and my beautiful nieces too!!! Seeing my family will be the biggest reward of all!!

daughter, determination, journey, mama lian, relationship, sacrifice
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I saw this scripture during service and it was a good excerpt to anchor what I’ve been feeling over the past few months. I’m not chasing earthly possessions or the kind of clout I need from others to feel whole. I’m heading back to KL armed with a different perspective. I’m finding more peace and more joy in the little things in life. It’s a new level of exciting. 🙌🏻

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    3 days ago

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    Last year I was really selective about the kind of energy I was inviting into my life. Even though I kept myself open to whatever the Universe sent to me, I trusted myself to make the right decisions in life. If it was not in alignment, I would be able to let things go and make peace with it. Learning how to honour myself above anyone else has given me clarity about how I want to create my future. I’ll admit it has been scary because sometimes I worried if I wasn’t good enough to do so. But, I knew if I wanted to level up in life, I had to pay the price. Find your light, find your worth. #worth #qotw #quotes ... See MoreSee Less

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