It’s been about a month since I’ve had my major cathartic experience. In this past month, so much has shifted in my life, so many more feelings and emotions, much more compassion and awareness in being present.
“As the seasons change, so do we.
May we be aware we are shifting–just like the wind.”
Truth be told, when I wrote the last entry, I was in a much better place already. It was a reflection that I would only be able to write it in sound mind, so thank you to the strangers who checked to see if I was ok, or telling me that I deserved to be happy. Thank you to those who told me privately through Instagram how they felt… others read it and then shared it among themselves (and those who rather talk about it behind my back HAHA). I always thought I was happy, but unconsciously there were clearly underpinnings that proved to be the complete opposite.
Looking back at the past few months, there were huge shifts in a lot of aspects of my life that was preparing me for the last quarter of the year and to cement the year of change for me.
Adapting is one of the many things I’ve learnt from moving so much in my early life. My environments have changed so much that it was so easy to change myself to my surroundings and completely immerse myself that I would easily blend in. I guess it’s no-brainer that it meant I could also lose myself in the relationships I was a part of. I get really empathetic and sometimes it just ends up being a blend of emotions and feelings from others that I forget to honour myself and what’s most important to me. Now I’m trying to reclaim all of it back, slowly but surely.
So in the aftermath of healing, here are a few things I’ve been incorporating in different aspects of my life:
When it comes to nutrition, I’m being more mindful of the types of food that is good for my body. I’m trying to stick to more seafood (less farm animals) and get a nice healthy dose of iodine for my thyroid and less grains because I’m pre-diabetic. Ask me about konjac and its great substitution from carby noodles.
I’m feeling more motivated to exercise regularly and even though I do similar workouts, the most important thing is to keep building the muscle memory and getting noticeably stronger helps me feel more confident.
I’m being more active on my blog now, writing has always been therapeutic for me, I know I’m more public than the regular person but I do it for myself not for the likes, on those days when you look back at the stories you believed or told yourself, you can always see how far you’ve come. I honestly wish I wrote more but the truth is that there was a whole gap in time where I couldn’t face myself. I wanted to be authentic but I carried a lot of shame with me. The shame reminded me of my failures and now I’ve learnt to embrace my thoughts a lot more, I quickly jot down feelings that come up for me, without judgement.
Clothing swaps and giving away things that no longer serve me has allowed me to clear space physically for things that I want in my home. You can give away so many things at the Buy Nothing Project and so many people will take them! Extra pillows, too many cutting boards, useless objects in my home that I’ve been keeping for no reason. When you clear all of this, you make space for new things to come. Decluttering has never felt this good!
I’ve been using the moon cycles as an opportunity to set intentions for myself. Last month was letting go – this meant letting go of the anger and pain, letting go of the stories that would keep me there and also letting go to the point of apathy>I didn’t want anything to fuck with my vibe.
This month has been entirely focused on self-love. I wrote a few mantras to remind me of what I wanted to do and how I wanted to feel.
Love is my birthright, I am a manifestation of this love, I am loving and loved by many.
I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening and will happen because i know that everything is towards my highest goal.
I am overflowing with joy, vitality, and energy. I am unstoppable.
So before my nightly routine getting in bed, I think about all the things I love, all the amazing things that I’m grateful for and I feel my heart open a little more. I feel lighter, I’m less angry, I’m less affected. I used to get hurt and offended easily and now I don’t take things personally. I see the changes in my life and I feel them as well. I work just as hard for my happiness and I’m less worried about the “what if’s”. This new shift has allowed me to see more abundance in my life, more purpose and more joy.
Just before I close my eyes, I feel my heart smiling. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this kind of joy and I don’t have to apologise or thank anyone else but myself. It’s really liberating and I’m truly in love.