logo
logo
  • Home
  • About
  • Projects
  • Thoughts
logo
  • Home
  • About
  • Projects
  • Thoughts
ThoughtsJune 21, 2021

No one can save you.

By admin

No one can save you, only you can save yourself.

I hit a mental block this week. But it was a block that had been brewing for the longest time. I feel like it was the perfect time to address while it happens to be the most inconvenient time of my life.

In isolation, you only have yourself.

Malaysia is on its third or is it fourth lockdown and as most citizens, we feel powerless. I’m trying my hardest not to complain. I have a roof over my head my expenses are manageable and I’m vaccinated. (THANK GOD!)

But I do feel slightly helpless. I can’t afford to keep donating to charities, nor can I keep purchasing food or paying for services to keep others afloat. I’ve got to keep myself afloat too. My income has been totally decimated from the pandemic but other areas of my company has been flourishing. Some parts of my life I feel satisfied, other parts guilt. 

I had a profound meditation earlier this week, most of my week has been irritated by not being in the right frame of mind and I just needed to ground myself to get clarity. My procrastination was at an all time high and I could feel a wave of work deadlines coming despite mindlessly wading in the shallow zone.

All my life I’ve been wanting someone to save me.

As I started to dig deeper, it wasn’t just in relationships, but also in work. I’d meet and connect with people on many levels and when they entered my world, it was almost like I needed them to fulfil or add value into my life to help me achieve more, but the real truth was that I wanted them to give me what I was scared to do on my own.

When I was younger my biggest fear would be to end up alone, I’d get lost in supermarkets and cry, then someone would find me and call out my mom on the PA to tell her that I waiting at the customer service counter. She’d turn away and I’d just think that she left me. To counter that, I’ve always had a larger than life personality, attracting people on a level like extroverted-ness on cocaine so it would be hard to forget me. This became an easy formula to repeat for each city I moved to except every time I left, I never felt more alone. Even accumulating my party nights never amounted to much because I needed others to give me my sense of worth, it was hard to stand in my own for myself. 

Fast forward to today- it’s the pandemic and I’m cocooning myself behind the four walls of my apartment… and here we are, going back to the same story of worthiness.

Last month I launched a 10-day Self-Love Journaling Experience that was integral to my growth over the past year. It was cathartic to write and even more empowering to have people who take part in it and share their stories. If my self-love cup is filled to the brim, overflowing and wanting to give, what’s the issue? What’s holding me back?

Don’t confuse discomfort with pain.

Well…I feel like I’m treading on rough waters and I feel small. Everything feels daunting. I’m going with the motion but i’m evading failure. It’s uncomfortable, it’s new and I don’t feel confident at all. The little thoughts of judgement is peering through because I don’t know, don’t want to stupid, or feel like even more helpless than I already am. It’s even more difficult to get past these blocks when I’m navigating it alone. It’s like I’m just waiting for a savior to sweep me off my feet and be like, here’s everything you need on a silver platter. 

Do it from love, not for love.

But what I do know is that in order for me to step into my authentic power, I need to access my gifts. My intuition says I need to wear my big girl pants and do it on my own. It’s the only way I’ll ever learn. Grrr… I’ll get in there I promise. I save other people because it’s easier to throw them in the deep end, and let them know I’m right behind them. But it’s also my way of procrastinating my own projects.  Uhhh I know that I need to get past this and I know I’ll be one step closer to where I need to be. Just give me another month! It’s not like Malaysia is going to resume business any time soon. 

So I’m listening to the Clubhouse pitches, online videos teaching participants about basic business stuff and sitting with the uncomfortable. I’m doing it guys, and I’m doing it because no one can save me, only I can save myself. Thanks for listening to me rant. I’m trying to get better at this. 

What holds you back from being you? 

growth, perserverance, personal blocks, saving
Previous Power of Choice
Next At Peace

Related Posts

Gays, Christianity, Marriage

Quote of the Week: Sails

Quote of the Week – Little

1 Comment

  • Baharak
    July 25, 2021 at 4:17 pm
    You are! Nice share ☺️
    Reply

Leave a comment or Cancel Reply

  • Instagram

    📣 New Workshop Announcement📣 As someone who 📣 New Workshop Announcement📣

As someone who still derives a lot of happiness externally, the journey of going inward helps me synthesise my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I’ve been working non-stop over the past couple of months and in my quiet moments I start to creep into a dark space. Knowing that I have the tools has kept me afloat and I know there are many others who are also in my shoes. 

If you’re feeling stuck or need to feel grounded in a practice, please join me for latest workshop where we get to journey inward and find some answers we are searching for. Always safe, always welcome, we are better together. 

🗓️: Wed, 12 Jul 8-10pm
📍: @wondrouscurations studio
🎟️: RM129 

Limited spots available, both men and women welcomed. 

#bettertogether #supparetreat #breathwork #soundhealing #journaling #connection
    There are always flowers for those who want to see There are always flowers for those who want to see them. -Henri Matisse

These are my 🌺🌸 in June. (The last one is my fav-🐕)
#jessiesgirl #adoptdontshop
    Celebrating this new era wouldn’t be the same wi Celebrating this new era wouldn’t be the same without you!! The original 48Paw. Happy birthday Dee 🥳🥳🥳🥳
    Popped by the new @kensapothecary outlet at @pavil Popped by the new @kensapothecary outlet at @pavilionkualalumpur. Congrats @hubertwhoi and @keanlim71! 🥳

#kensapothecary #kilianparis #photodump #pavilionkl #grandopening
    My hair is an animal on its own. 🫣 I haven’ My hair is an animal on its own. 🫣 

I haven’t had bangs since I was a kid and it’s always fun to see what their plans are each day. My blonde is starting to show, will need to pop by for a colour touch up again at @shawncutlergroup! 

✂️: @mavisang_sc
    Sometimes I wish I could tell people to stfu for m Sometimes I wish I could tell people to stfu for my mental health. 🥸

#sideye
    I co-hosted a special workshop for #breathwork and I co-hosted a special workshop for #breathwork and #soundhealing with @hansenlee at @ommosapiens. 

While I’m going through my ebbs and flows of life, I’m incredibly grateful to connect with so many people and playing a part in their journey of self-discovery and healing. It always reminds me of what I need to work on as I sit through this experience.

Thank you everyone for coming. 🙏🏻
    Everyday is a constant battle to pull myself out o Everyday is a constant battle to pull myself out of a headspace that wants to crawl in a hole and hide, but I know I deserve the world and I choose to believe it. 

#workinprogress
    We’re the last ones to join the 4-0 club now. Fr We’re the last ones to join the 4-0 club now. Friends forever. Thank you @tejadahlia for organising this reunion and ordering every single dish on the menu so I know exactly what I want to eat when I visit again. #birthdayboy
    Follow on Instagram
  • Facebook

    This message is only visible to admins.
    Problem displaying Facebook posts.
    Click to show error
    Error: Server configuration issue
  • Profile

  • Download Profile
    For bookings, please email [email protected]

© 2018 SarahLian.com. All rights reserved.